Wow, I'm shocked to see you in here,
A jaded appearance amongst my tortured words.
A raised eyebrow and a sarcastic leer.
Don't get too proud though, so low are the standards.
You only get this one.
You loved the way I laughed at your jokes, chased the interests that matched your own.
But a side of me wanted to break free and dance before the long forgotten sunrise.
I wanted to soak in life itself through the waves of a receding tide.
Did you love me for that?
But it's ok: I threw your ring towards that sunrise. As your day turned to night.
I watched it break the surface of a mass forever restless.
And as I type in this beach-front cafe, watching the same sea, I have no regrets.
It is done.
Because you knew that it was never money I hated, but man's love of it, man's chasing of it.
You knew that money meant so little to me. But you used it to slice me anyway.
You knew that the things I value in life, the things I cherish,
run deeper than those you held over me.
You knew that you rarely satisfied me, rarely pleasured me.
You'd satisfy yourself though. And insult me. "I have to work Alex, surely you respect that?".
And you knew all the thoughtful things I did for you,
Regardless of price, regardless of time, regardless of effort.
You knew that you let me down when it mattered, manipulated me to escape promises,
And belittled the parts of my personality that most people admire.
You knew that instead of making me feel beautiful you'd highlight my imperfect legs,
My Imperfect stomach, my imperfect face.
You knew that I laugh when I'm nervous, attack when I'm hurt.
You knew that my demeanor shields a sensitivity that my eyes have to fight to disguise.
You knew that I'm compassionate, humanitarian, kind.
And you knew that I loved you.
But did you know that I fell apart when I left? For a short while.
Until I saw the sun rise for the first time from the roof of our old apartment.
Did you know that when you'd say "we're both smart people" I was laughing inside?
I still am.
Did you know that in the end I found you pathetic, arrogant, smarmy?
Hidden behind a poor, harmless fool.
Did you know that I found you one-dimensional, repetitive, dull? So lacking in depth.
I still loved you though.
Did you know that if you had looked beyond yourself for one second,
I may have stayed a second longer?
Self pity is cheap, and those words you'd slice me with are cheaper still.
But you knew that didn't you?
Did you know that I loved you for being with me for me?
You didn't know me though did you? And you only wanted part of me. Irony is cruel.
Well I have to find someone who wants all of me now. In a way you could never know.
But "surely you respect that".
So will it fall into your lap again? Your wealth, your love, your life?
So you never have to see the world through another's eyes?
In a sea of many words there are only two I need to use;
Words long forgotten and immensely overdue...
F*** you
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